It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
