dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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