Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
