i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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