your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
