Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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