some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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