Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
