you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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