If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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