I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
