Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
