turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
