I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
