No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Randomize
