Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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