my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
