is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
