Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Porn is love you can see.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
