Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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