I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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