it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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