Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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