I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
