Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
