Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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