there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He passed out mid-signature
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
