Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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