I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
