I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
vagina is talking i cant
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
