We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
