Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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