The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
