Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
