quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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