Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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