Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
