I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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