I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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