He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this just has baby written all over it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
