i need an iv and a liver transplant
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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