ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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