Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
