he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
