i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
