so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
