I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
