I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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