I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
