My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
