I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize