i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
