i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
