eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
