My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
