Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They took my balls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
