i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize