oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
