Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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