did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
