Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
