News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
