You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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