Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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