chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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