Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize