By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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