i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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