my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
