You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
