Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
