I'm eating all of the evidence.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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