please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
