You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize