why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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