Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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