the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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