is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
