Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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