she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
