Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
