Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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