dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
