ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
