SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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