Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize