no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
