my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
