i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize