You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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