he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
