my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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