Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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